Talk of suicide: When not to keep a secret

By MELANIE TEVES BELL

The word "secret" means keeping information from someone else. Often friends ask one another to "keep a secret" to show true friendship and trust in one another about some information being shared.

However, when someone is talking about or showing actions toward suicide, we should teach and encourage our children and loved ones that this is a time "when not to keep a secret."

If a friend or loved one made comments to you like "I can't take it anymore," "I wish I were dead" or "I wish I just wouldn't wake up tomorrow," would you keep it a secret, or tell someone you trusted or a professional that could help?

I hope the answer would be that you would let someone know and get help for that person immediately and NOT KEEP IT SECRET.

Key steps to getting someone help for suicidal thoughts, feelings, actions:

• DO NOT leave the person ALONE.

• Contact a trusted adult or professional (i.e. teacher, parent, church, crisis hotline, counselor, etc.).

• Listen and provide support.

• DO NOT tell them to get over it (these feelings are very real for them and they may have already tried to get over it before they started expressing it to others).

• DO NOT promise to KEEP A SECRET . . . you could SAVE THEIR LIFE!

• Ensure safety and restrict access to available lethal/deadly means (i.e. firearms, sharp objects, medication/pills, etc.).

• Take ALL comments, actions or thoughts seriously until professional intervention is provided.

A good friend is someone who knows when not to keep a secret to help save a life. The many survivors (those who have lost a loved one to suicide) would encourage anyone who knew of a person's possible intentions to take their own life to take a chance and act and possibly be a life link!

People with suicidal thoughts often reach out for help and may not know how to ask, except by expressing what they are feeling, or by talking about what they think would stop the pain that they are experiencing emotionally.

When depression or emotional pain becomes so intense, rational thinking and/or coping skills are often not used, which may lead to self-destructive behavior. This is when loved ones or those in a professional position must intervene for the safety and potential life of the person involved.

We hope by sharing this information with your loved ones that this will become a natural part of education and safety planning for your loved one's emotional health and future success in life!

Manatee Glens invites you and your family to join in a special day to raise community awareness and education about suicide prevention, as well as provide support to the many survivors (at least six for every person who has died by suicide) at our fifth annual 5K "Walk for Life" from 8 a.m. to noon on Sept. 15 at Sutton Park in Palmetto. Lunch will be provided.

There will be representatives from SPAN (Suicide Prevention Action Network) displaying "Life Keeper Memory Quilts" in memory of those lost to suicide and putting a "face" on suicide. If you would like to have your loved one as a part of our Bay Area Memory Quilt, contact Pam Cain at 782-4271.

For further information regarding this event or to register to walk, visit the Manatee Glens Web site at www.manateeglens.org or

call 782-4211.

Melanie Teves Bell is the director of outpatient clinical services at Manatee Glens. She also has been working with children and adolescents for more than 12 years. Manatee Glens, which produces this biweekly column, welcomes your questions about mental health and substance abuse matters. Send questions to Manatee Glens at P.O. Box 9478, Bradenton, FL 34206, or call 782-4299.