The Problem of Anger

Part I: Understanding Anger

by Charles Ringling, M.Ed., CEAP, Manatee Glens

What is anger? In the most general sense, it is a feeling or emotion that can range from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. Anger is a natural response to situations where we feel threatened, or where we believe harm will come to us or someone has mistreated us. We may also become angry when we think that another person, perhaps a child or someone close to us, is being threatened or harmed. Anger can also result from frustration when our needs, desires or goals are not being met. How do we express anger? We may lose our patience and act impulsively, aggressively or violently.

People often confuse anger with aggression but they’re different. Anger is an emotion, while aggression is a behavior. However, anger does not necessarily lead to aggressive behavior, which is intended to harm someone or damage property. Aggressive behavior can include verbal abuse, threats or violent acts. A person can become angry without acting aggressively.

Although it is neither anger (an emotion) nor aggression (a behavior), hostility is related to both. “Hostility” refers to a complicated group of attitudes and judgments that involve disliking others and judging them negatively. Hostility can readily lead to aggressive behaviors.

Anger is a normal emotion but it becomes a problem when it is felt too intensely or frequently or is   expressed inappropriately.

Feeling anger too intensely or too often places extreme physical strain on the body. During long-drawn-out or frequent periods of anger, areas of the body’s nervous system become highly activated, increasing blood pressure and heart rate for long periods. This stress on the body may create a number of health problems including high blood pressure, heart disease and a weakened immune system. Therefore, controlling anger helps to avoid physical illness.

Expressing anger inappropriately can lead to many negative social consequences. If anger is expressed through verbal abuse, or through intimidating or threatening behavior, it will make others fear, resent and mistrust the people who subject them to angry outbursts. This can cause alienation from family, friends and coworkers.

Anger expressed through violence or physical aggression can lead to such results as being arrested or jailed, becoming physically injured, losing loved ones, losing one’s job, or feeling guilt, shame, or regret.

At times, inappropriate expressions of anger can have short-term payoffs. For example, the angry person may be able to manipulate and control others through aggressive and intimidating behavior, simply because their victims fear verbal threats of violence. Another payoff is the release of tension that occurs when a person loses his or her temper and acts aggressively. While that person may feel better after an angry outburst, everyone else may feel worse. Any initial payoffs from inappropriate expressions of anger generally dissipate and ultimately lead to harmful end results.

The Problem of Anger

Part II: Breaking the Anger Habit

by Charles Ringling, M.Ed., CEAP, Manatee Glens

As mentioned in Part 1, the expression of anger is a learned response. In fact, for some people it can become a routine, familiar and predictable response to a variety of situations. When people display anger often and aggressively, they are developing an unhealthy habit, one that results in negative outcomes. Since habits are carried out over and over again without thinking, people with anger management problems often use aggressive displays of anger without thinking about the negative consequences. Such displays can cause devastating effects to the angry person and other people.

If angry behavior is a habit for you, don’t despair. You can break this habit. To do so, you must become aware of the events, circumstances and behaviors of others that trigger your anger through a set of observable cues. These cues are warning signs that you have become angry and that your anger is escalating. They fall into four categories:

• Physical Cues, which involve the ways your body responds when you become angry.

• Behavioral Cues, which involve the behaviors you, display when you get angry—and which other people can see.

• Emotional Cues, which involve other feelings you may have at the same time you’re feeling anger.

• Cognitive Cues, which are the thoughts and self-talk you experience in response to an anger-provoking situation. Fantasies and images, which are closely related to your thoughts and self-talk, are other cues indicating an increase in anger.

It isn’t enough to become aware of your anger. You need to develop strategies for effectively managing it. This is your personal anger control plan, which you can use to stop you anger from intensifying before you lose control and experience negative consequences.

The basic idea of developing an anger control plan is to try different methods until you find the anger control techniques that work best for you. To be effective, your plan should include both immediate and preventive tactics. The immediate strategies will help you deal with frustrating situations, while preventive strategies can reduce your potential for mishandling angry feelings.

Immediate strategies include taking a timeout, using deep-breathing exercises and employing thought-stopping techniques. Preventive strategies include developing an exercise program, learning relaxation skills and changing your irrational beliefs.

The timeout is a simple and effective strategy for managing anger immediately. You simply leave a situation or stop engaging in a discussion or argument if you feel your anger is growing out of control. You could actually call for a timeout or give the timeout sign with your hands. This lets the other person know that you are becoming frustrated, upset or angry and wish to stop talking about the topic immediately. Timeouts are important because they can be effective in the heat of the moment, even if your anger is growing quickly.

What is important in the long run is not the reactions you get from others but what you do for yourself. The way you manage your anger reflects how you define yourself and your personal boundaries in your relationships.