Suggestions for Women Who Overdo Over the Holidays

by Julie Wilson

Halloween is past but for many women, frightening implications remain: this marks the start of the holiday season, a two-month period when we can find ourselves overworking, overspending and overeating. Instead of feeling overjoyed, we become overwhelmed and on the verge of going over the edge. As we work to bring happiness to others, our tendency to over-function can bring increased stress, anxiety and sometimes depression for us.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Start with these suggestions to bring more joy into your holiday season.

Examine your expectations. Today, 59.2% of women work outside the home. We stretch our time and energy to care for home and children while also meeting demands in the workplace. We have no role models to show us how to make this work. In 1960, only 35% of women age 16 and over were in the labor force, according to the U.S. Department of Labor. Most females raised in that era learned to be women from stay-at-home mothers—role models whose fulltime jobs included child care, cooking, cleaning and home decorating.

Is it reasonable to try to meet expectations of your mother's generation? Perhaps you should set new standards. Acknowledging that “super mom” is a myth may be one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, your daughter and even your son. (He'll marry someone just like you!)

Communicate. Share your revised expectations with your kids, spouse/partner and extended family. Tell them you want things to be different. Explain that you'd rather spend time enjoying them, talking with them and playing with them rather than cleaning, shopping or cooking—and you’ll be much less cranky if they share holiday duties.

Involve them in planning how things can be different. Ask what they would like to do/eat/give, then ask what contribution they'd like to make. If you invite people to gatherings, ask them to bring something (e.g., a prepared dish or recipes). Humans love to be recognized. Tell them in advance if you have special rules (e.g., no alcohol, no running in the house).

Here’s an easy idea that works well: Set up a card table in an accessible but out-of-the-way location and place a jigsaw puzzle there for the duration of the holidays. Family and friends will gravitate to this challenge. Spend time there yourself, along with your kids and others. You'll be amazed at the conversations you can have while searching for puzzle pieces.

Practice self-care. Given the gift of life through biology, women devote extraordinary time and energy to nurturing others—for nine months, a lifetime, a marriage—but this can prove detrimental if we give at the expense of ourselves. We may sacrifice our own goals, identities and even our biological family.

Practice caring for yourself this holiday season. Start small by devoting 15 minutes a day to self-renewal. Seek a balance in body, mind and spirit by exercising, reading, meditating or studying. Set clear boundaries for your time, even if kids and spouses/partners resist. If you stick to it, eventually they will respect your rules and your right to wellness—and everyone will be happier.